Here's what I've been thinking about since my sabbatical. I hope it will be refreshing and challenging to you too.
Sure, it was great! I had a full month off in July from Fishhook. While I was away, my learning started the very first morning as I rolled over in bed. And the learning and inspiration continued all throughout July.
I believe that God kept giving me little pieces of encouragement and even specific words that He wanted me to consider during my leave. But then, I know He wanted me to hold onto this encouragement and use it in my everyday life as well. So here's what I've been thinking about a lot in recent weeks. I hope it will be refreshing and challenging to you too.
Broken – not whole
As I anticipated my month off from Fishhook, I looked forward to the person I know I can be when I have more time. You know ... the person who prepares and eats healthy food, exercises, is patient with my husband and kids, reaches out to a friend, keeps up with the laundry and still has time to relax. I love this version of me. Healthy. Balanced. All together.
Then, on July 11, I read the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. Verse 3 says: "God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." Jesus goes on to say that God blesses those who mourn, who are humble, who are persecuted and so on.
God blesses brokenness ... but I want wholeness. Really, I do.
So I journaled: I'm always working to be more healthy, stable, complete, successful, in control and all together.
But what if my best days to be blessed by God and to be close to Him are the days when I feel so tired, overwhelmed, weak, vulnerable, sad, discouraged or unsure? Are these my best days in God's eyes?
It's the opposite of what I want or what the world tells me is desirable.
God blesses brokenness. I have to accept this. In fact, I need to be content (or even yearn) for these times, so that I will surrender to God and be blessed by Him.
Our everyday lives are full of so much brokenness. And that's especially when the blessing comes. So everyday life beats the fun vacation (or even the month-long sabbatical). Broken is better than whole.
Looking up and out
During July, I was more quiet than I have probably ever been in my adult life. I tried to give more space, so God could move in my heart.
On July 19, I journaled: Today as I walked, I looked up and out. I was praying to God with joy, I noticed His artwork (I've never really focused on the shapes of trees and leaves) and I was open to what He had for me.
I want to keep looking up and out every day. So more and more, I'm turning off the TV. I'm taking more walks. I'm journaling. I'm frequently choosing quiet settings over loud ones. I'm saying more "no thank you's" to invitations and opportunities, so that I can have more downtime. More rest. More space with God. To look up and out.
What do you want from me as I work and lead?
It's a key question I prayed about throughout the month of July. And four words came to me again and again.
Calm
On my own, I get so worked up about the details of life and what I am hoping for or want. When I pray and turn my focus to God – especially first thing in the morning – my entire mindset and day shifts. I'm more grateful. I'm more trusting. I'm more hope-filled.
Confident
I know I have important work to do. God has called me to the roles I have with my family, friends, church and work. He equips me each day.
Humble
Everything I am and anything I have is God's. I bring glory to Him when I'm loving and serving others.
Rest
I work diligently. And then I rest. Every day. Every week. Throughout the year. It's how I follow Christ's example. And it's what sets me up to love others and myself well.
What about for you? Life is hectic, hard and full. But when you sit in the quiet for even just a few minutes ... what does God impress upon your heart? What questions? What words? What encouragement?
